The principles of Christian parenting are given by three means: positive examples of parenting, endorsed normative parenting, and direct commands given to Christian parents. Positive examples are essential to Christian parenting because Scripture shows us the “practical theology” of how to be a good parent. Endorsed normative parenting showcases what the referenced culture got right about parenting. This is extremely helpful because without this guidance Christians would be tempted to reject all secular parenting techniques as “worldly.” Direct commands to Christian parents are by far the clearest instructions of what God expects Christianity to look like in the home. It is this writer’s intent to focus mostly on the direct commands given to parents with supporting points made by examples of parenting and endorsed normative parenting.
Christian parents teach God’s Word. Ephesians 6:4 states that Christian parents (specifically mentioning fathers) must rear their children in a manner that not only teaches them the ways of the Lord but also corrects their ways by pointing them back to the Lord. This is in direct contrast to many “religious” parents who “want their children to choose Christianity without feeling pressure” or those who are concerned about “brainwashing” their children in Bible doctrine. Paul uses the term “discipline” (παιδεία) only twice in his epistles: the other use is in 2 Timothy 3:16 which specifically states that discipline is possible because the Scriptures are God-breathed and profitable. Indeed, the Apostle Paul praises just this type of parental teaching in 2 Timothy 3:14-15! In word of warning, Paul states that the manner in which instruction is given can either motivate or infuriate one’s offspring (Eph. 6:4, Col. 3:21). Parents who believe the Bible will wisely nurture their children in how to live in accordance with the Bible.
Godly parenting involves discipline. The word “instruction” (νουθεσία) evidences that head knowledge is not sufficient but rather that the Word of God must guide and correct the choices a child makes (Eph. 6:4). The writer of Hebrews ties a father’s love to his discipline of his children (Heb. 12:6). It is through God’s discipline of His children that He shows His love and He claims His own (Heb. 12:5-11). Likewise, it is through a parent’s (loving) discipline of their child that a parent shows love for said child. It is also through parental discipline that a child learns to respect the authorities that God has placed in their lives (Heb. 12:9). While discipline is “grievous” for all involved, disciplined children guided into righteous living produces the fruit of (a Christian household of) peace (Heb. 12:11). Clearly, the unpleasantness of loving discipline is part of Christian parenting!
Christian parenting is not universal education. Children must be trained in God’s word (that they be no longer children) but they must remain “infants” concerning that which is evil (1 Cor. 14:20). Christian parents must protect their children from worldly influences that would mature a knowledge of evil.
Christian parenting keeps children in their God-given place of third. God created mankind first and foremost to have a relationship with Him (Luke 14:26). Christ specifically states that a Christian is not a disciple of Christ if he values children more than he values Christ. Taken in combination with Matthew 10:37, it is obvious that this passage is not endorsing the hatred that is evidenced in families throughout our world today. Rather, Christ is telling His disciples that nothing can take His central and foremost place in our lives. Additionally, God created a life-long relationship between husband and wife that is more important than any other human relationship (Matt. 19:5; Mark. 10:7-8; Eph. 5:31). Clearly, a Christian parent is outside of the will of God when a child is more important than God or spouse in their life.
Christian parenting insists that children honor their parents. Honor and obedience are closely tied. Indeed, Ephesians 6:1-2 imply that it is through obedience that a Christian parent is honored. Jesus set this example for us in His obedience to Mary and Joseph (Luke 2:51). The importance of honoring/obeying Christian parents is threefold in the NT. First, the Lord is “well-pleased” when children obey their parents (Col. 3:20). Because God’s expectation of children is that they obey their parents, parents must require their children’s obedience. Second, God promises a favorable change in family prosperity and longevity for those who honor their parents (Ephesians 6:1-3). While this is not a promise of individual wealth or long life, it does showcase how the internal functioning of a family will affect said family’s lineage. Third, a child’s obedience within the home is mandatory for the father to be considered for church leadership. Both pastors (1 Tim. 3:4, Titus 1:6) and deacons (1 Timothy 3:12) must parent their children in a manner that yields obedience. Because the desire to become Christian leadership is encouraged (1 Tim. 3:1), this exhortation to church leadership must be the goal of all Christian parents. A child’s obedience to their parents is expected by God and by the church and is significant in passing on a Christian lineage.
Christian parents provide financially for their children (2 Cor. 12:14). While this passage most readily applies to young children who are still in the home, it also encourages leaving a financial legacy to children. It is the experience of this writer that multiple pastors in the United States use this verse in their moral objection to social security as a system that does not pass retirement savings on to children after death. Christian parents are to provide for the needs of their household with a goal of being a blessing to their descendants.
Christian parenting looks different than secular parenting. The purpose of Christian parenting goes beyond simply getting along with children. Many modern households consider their parenting successful if their children keep body and soul together from one week to the next while avoiding incarceration or detention. Simply put, modern culture teaches that survival is success. Christ emphasizes His desire that children have a personal relationship with Him (Matt. 18:14). Furthermore, He states that the goal of all relationships (including parenting) is to faithfully teach His words in a manner that produces a personal relationship with Him, baptism, and ever-growing discipleship (Matt. 28:19-20). Paul stresses that Christian parenting is even (and especially) important when only one parent is a disciple of Christ (1 Corinthians 7:14). Christian parenting looks different than secular parenting because it focuses on the true God.
